Dear Lily,

It's been far too long since I've written to you, two and a half years, to be exact. Every time I sat down to write, I realized how much I had to say and I would get overwhelmed, not knowing where to start.

Today is not any different but I made a commitment to do this. Today. Today, on your first day of kindergarten.

I dropped you off at 8:30am. You weren't scared. You were excited, maybe mildly apprehensive, but excited. You said "I will miss you, mama", as we pulled into the parking lot. You were quiet during the walk to the classroom, mindfully observing the chaos that the first day of school brings to campus.
We opened the door to Mrs. Bodily's class and it was quiet. The kids were all sitting in their assigned seats, coloring. You hugged me and I said "Do you remember where your seat is?", and you said "Yessss, moooom", with a bit of teenage annoyance to your voice, as though I had insulted you. You were ready. You left my side and didn't look back. I was proud.

You've had several experiences with (pre)school already. Perhaps this was nothing new to you, aside from the larger size of the school with new kids and a new teacher. Although, you did say to me this morning, "Mom, I am a big kid now!", with enthusiasm, so I do think you understand that this is a new book you're beginning to write.

But, I will be honest, I was scared. Far more scared than you. You were far braver than I was.
On this first day of learning for you, mommy was actually learning, too, and you were my teacher...Teaching me how to let go. Letting go is such a scary thing sometimes and that's what I had to do this morning. I had to let go of your infant and toddler years. I had to let go of what was our normal. I had to let go of the control of your daily life. I had to let go of sheltering you. I had to let you go and allow you to become a big kid. I had to let go and let you start your journey into a life that you will now have memories of when you are older. I just had to do it. Let go.

I will certainly become more brave as these days go by and as this becomes our new normal. But I will not stop worrying. A mommy, especially your mommy, never stops worrying. I worry about the bullies, the germs, the pressure of learning, the strangers, the playground accidents, and everything in between.

But you? You're so brave. And smart. And happy. And easy.

Everyone at your new school is just going to love you. They are going to love how unique you are. They will love your Spider-Man backpack and your Transformer lunch box. They will love your sensitivity and your appreciation. They will love your sense of humor and your wittiness. They will love your generosity and your cautiousness. They will comment on your hair, which will annoy you, but you will be gracious and say "thanks". They will love that you will want to play Ninja Turtles and not princesses. They will just love all of you because you, you're special and I'm so proud to call you mine.

Shine bright like a diamond, love. Enjoy the journey.

Love,
Mama